I remember that I used to keep checking the clock or my watch every few minutes to ensure that things got done on time and I should not get late.
Most of the time, I managed to get things done very much on time. There were some times when I have been a few minutes late and these were the instances I used to drive myself crazy.
After Bhagavan took over my life as my Antaryaamin, things became different. He pulled me out of this pressure in a humorous fashion.
One day, the clock in my kitchen stopped working. I changed the batteries, but it stopped again after a couple of days. I realized that it would not work and just threw it away. Somehow, I never got around to buying a new one.
Soon, the clock in my bedroom stopped working and the same things followed as before.
Then it was the turn of the hall clock, then my watch. Many of my friends and family have noticed and commented on how I never wear a watch. The Sundari of yonder days used to go to sleep wearing a watch.
I soon realized that I had no easy access to finding the time. I asked Bhagavan, “Why?”
He said simply, “You are always in a state of tension trying to stick to time. Just talk to me and do your work. Everything will get done without pressure.”
I listened and followed but there is this sense of habit and the mind – there was no escape at that point from either. I kept feeling the need to check the time even after all this.
I was a mite worried about buying an expensive watch – I used to wear a Titan gold-plated watch that got spoilt. By now, there were no clocks in the hall, my bedroom and kitchen. The clock in my kids’ room never got spoilt as Bhagavan said that I spent the least time there. He was simply amazing, the way He went about changing my life for the better.
I purchased a simple watch for Rs. 300 (this was in 2003) and wore it. It lasted for exactly 2 days. I went and had a fight with the shopkeeper in Sion, not quite aware that it was the Divine’s play. I went to another shop and got one more watch in the same range. That also broke down in a couple of days. Amazing, isn’t it?
I told this story to my friend Pooja. She told me, “Sundari, don’t waste any more money on buying watches. I have an old watch that has never stopped in 9 years. I have a new one that I use now. I keep this because my father had given it to me. This does not run on batteries and you have to wind it up every day. Nothing can go wrong with it.” Neither of us knew Bhagavan’s plans at that point.
I took the watch from her and wore it. It ran for a bit longer this time – 3 days. The watch that had never stopped working in 9 years, stopped in just 3 days the moment it came to me. Frustrated, I gave it back to Pooja. You might find this difficult to believe, but the watch started working within 24 hours of leaving my possession.
That’s when I finally accepted that Bhagavan is not going to allow me to wear a watch. What we must understand here is that He was not forcing His Will on me. He was helping me get rid of the tension clock-watching was giving me.
Within a couple of months, I so got used to telling Bhagavan to handle things, get things ready on time and do the work. It works like magic to this day – everything gets done at the right time, without tension. I can guess the time correctly at any given point in time, without breaking a blood vessel over it. I am at peace. What more can I ask?
Today, I so well understand it when my Antaryaamin Bhagavan says, “Break habits Sundari. Those are the work of the ancient mind. You fall into a pattern and keep doing things without paying attention to them. Then you slide into a rut. Break habits and keep doing things differently. If you don’t know how, ask me.”
After all, I am sure you can understand, this is advice from the DIVINE.
Today, I keep telling myself that I would like to purchase a watch for decorative purposes, but never have the heart to buy one. There are clocks in the hall and my bedroom. I very rarely feel the urge to turn and look at them. I don’t think in terms of numbers when it comes to time. I have left it to the Divine to organize my timetable.
I make vague plans and inform Bhagavan. Many things get done, some don’t. And I always know that the things that are the best and most important for me always get done, at the RIGHT TIME. He takes care of it, diligently and with unconditional love.
LIFE IS DEFINITELY MORE PEACEFUL NOWADAYS! THANK YOU MY BHAGAVAN! I LOVE YOU!