Amma Bhagavan Sharanam

Amma Bhagavan Sharanam
Amma Bhagavan Sharanam

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


My mother & Me

Click here to meet my mother

My mother Vijaya has always been active and works hard. She loves cooking the most and one thing she likes even better is feeding people.

Unfortunately, she fell badly ill and was hospitalized in November 2011 and could not even attend my nephew’s - her grandson’s - wedding immediately after. There were a number of complications – she is a diabetic, has high BP, a not-too-strong heart and a minor kidney problem. Added to all this, she fell prey to Dementia. The psychiatrist told us that she must have probably been struck with it since 2-3 years and Dementia generally shows up only after a few years. It was quite a shock to all of us as my Amma has always been guiding us throughout our lives. She and my father had been taking care of my 98-year-old grandfather until a couple of years ago.

At that point, I prayed to Bhagavan that I hoped that she stayed alive and could move into Sathyug as Vijaya but also prayed that if it is her soul choice then she should pass on. That’s when Bhagavan reassured me that my mother will live long enough to cross into Sathyug.

Over the past few months, while my mother could physically move about, her mental condition prevented her from doing so. She insisted on staying in bed. The doctors – a couple of them – had recommended a number of tablets that kept her in a dull condition. But there was not much we could do about it.

There were a number of consultants who had attended on her at Vijaya Hospital and every one of them was clear that only a miracle could get her out of Dementia. Dementia generally tends to get worse with the passing of time and can be arrested to some extent with medicines.

While my sisters who live there locally go there often to meet my mother, it was my father who stayed with my mother 24/7 along with the nurse on duty. I am sure he must have had the worst time of his life during this period.

A week ago, my mother suddenly felt breathless and my sister and father decided that it was best to take her to hospital and they called an ambulance. I was very upset when I heard this.

I had thought things were status quo and Bhagavan would soon cure my mother and things will be hunky dory, especially with December 21, 2012 around the corner. This sudden need for hospitalizing my mother was a shocker.

I asked Bhagavan, “Are you showing me signs that it is time for her to move on and telling me only now? Please give me guidance. I don’t even know what to pray for.”

Bhagavan said, “Your mother will be fine and it is not time for her to leave the earth. You are her daughter, you ask me for a miracle that she should be cured.”

I did that but got up at least six times in the middle of the night, worry eating into me. I kept feeling fear.

Come morning, I told Bhagavan, “My mind is going on putting me in the state of fear. I am very worried Bhagavan. You do say that my mother will recover, right?”

Bhagavan smiled and said, “Mind is fear. You had already told me that you were ready to allow your mother’s soul to take its course. So it is not as if you were not ready to accept reality. Despite that, the Divine has promised you that your mother will recover. Give me one reason why I should make such a promise to fool you? Of course your mother will be fine. You watch it, she will be discharged in 3 days and she will return home in a regular vehicle and not by ambulance.”

I drew a lot of strength from those words and kept on praying along with my sisters.

Now, God has promised and the miracle has to happen – and they did, many of them. The doctor was flummoxed with the erratic nature of my mother’s sugar levels and BP levels. They soon decided to stop giving her all the medicines prescribed by the psychiatrists. They kept her in the ICU and finally realized that she was suffering from Urinary Infection and nothing more. They suddenly decided to send her home directly from the ICU as it was not required for her to remain there any longer.

On Saturday, my sisters were amazed as my mother spoke to them so clearly. Even I got to talk to her on the phone. She was so clear and enquired about everyone at home. She spoke long about everyone – all relatives, neighbours and others. It was simply amazing how she suddenly became alright. Science has no explanation for this.

She returned home by a call taxi and is doing alright at home. There is a bit of weakness, but her clarity has not reduced one iota.



Thursday, April 19, 2012


I attended the Super Process at the Oneness Temple from March 1 to 3, 2012. Whenever I have attended courses at Oneness University, I get a number of visions and many experiences. This time round, I had just one vision and no experience at all. But then, the Oneness Processes very rarely get completed during the course. They continue even after we return home.

About a couple of weeks after getting back to Mumbai, I was lying down on the sofa in my hall in front of the Srimurti. It was at about 10.30 am and I was not feeling too energetic and that’s why I was lying in that position praying that Amma Bhagavan help me.

Suddenly, I saw Amma and Bhagavan sitting on my right side. Bhagavan told me that He was going to give me healing and remove all the blocks in my system. Amma silently slid under my head and held me in her lap. Bhagavan placed his hands on my stomach, much to my surprise. He explained that the blocks are generally embedded in the abdomen and hence He needed to give me healing there.

I thought that this process will happen for a few minutes and settled down to just receive it. After about an hour, I realized that a lot of time had passed and Bhagavan was still giving me deeksha. I suddenly felt sorry for Amma holding my heavy head and shoulders on her lap for such a long time. The moment this thought came into me, Amma said, “I am perfectly fine Sundari, you just relax.” Tears rolled down my face at the love both Amma and Bhagavan have for me and how hard they were working at removing my blocks.

Another thought came into me that I had not eaten anything since morning. The moment this thought came, Bhagavan said, “All the better to receive the deeksha. It works best on an empty stomach.” There was no arguing that, of course.

I needed to use the toilet twice in the middle of the process. Both times, Bhagavan was kind enough to let me go, while both of them awaited my return. I love you AB!

Finally, it was 2.40 pm when Bhagavan lifted His hands from my stomach. He told me that it had taken that long to remove all the vasanas from all of my 525 plus the present 526th janam on this earth. I could well understand that.

Amma and Bhagavan left after completing their work and I got up with aching arms and legs. A few days went on with me expecting thundering miracles in my life. After about 10 days, my mind started playing. I could see myself sliding into a breakdown while my mind pointed out what all Amma Bhagavan could have done to improve my life and had not despite removing ALL the blocks.

I started fighting with Bhagavan when I was doing my namaskarams at night when I suddenly stopped. I told Amma Bhagavan that I will not talk to them while they could talk to me and that I will just do their ‘naama japa’ until some earth-shattering miracle happened in my life.

After a day had passed, I began to realize that I had been pushed into doing this by the Divine Himself. Over the next four days, whenever I woke up, instead of talking to AB as I usually do, I began chanting ‘Amma Bhagavan’ or ‘Moola Mantra’ or kept saying ‘Muruga Muruga’. I also did this whenever my mind began to say something. I did not allow it to talk at all. This continued even during the time I woke up in the middle of the night.

At the end of the fourth day, the earth did shatter around me - I felt such a powerful sense of peace steal over me. I have never felt such peace in my memory. And something else also had happened. I was in total BREAKTHROUGH. I have felt myself in breakthrough and breakdown states many times. It had always seemed like the movement of the pendulum – going back and forth. My Breakthrough states have remained for about 3-4 days at one stretch, at the most.

Today, the state I am in is entirely God given. Every day, I thank Amma Bhagavan for keeping me in Breakthrough over the past 24 hours and at the same time request them to continue keeping me in Breakthrough for the next 24 hours. Nothing else, just that!



Sunday, April 15, 2012


Well, the truth is that Bhagavan is in total charge of my entire life, all aspects of it. But I plan to write about how He helps me in the kitchen on this blog and hence the title.

After getting into the habit of talking to Bhagavan 24/7, I began to ask him for advice every time I made something in the kitchen. There are a number of times Bhagavan gave me suggestions even without asking.

Like He used to tell me to use green chillies instead of red, to use or not use ginger or garlic or some other flavouring in a particular dish.

This used to happen some years ago. There were many times when I never felt the energy to do any cooking and have been too bored with the idea. Sometimes, Bhagavan used to convince the family to go out for dinner or order food from outside – that is, the idea used to come from someone else in the family as I felt guilty about suggesting eating outside too often.

But, over a period of time, whenever I entered the kitchen in a bored state and prayed to Bhagavan, I used to suddenly feel energized and started enjoying cooking stuff and made interesting recipes. I have always enjoyed cooking but somehow a few years back I had lost interest. Bhagavan healed that completely and nowadays, whenever I go into the kitchen, I do so with great enthusiasm.

Bhagavan has taught me a number of recipes that I have never heard of before. A couple of examples are Pickled Green Chillies & Aromatic Carrot Soup.

There are a number of times when there is an imbalance of flavours in the dishes I make – like it turns out too spicy or sour or salty. I just request Bhagavan to set it right and He does that – sometimes by giving me suggestions for rectifying the same and many-a-time by miracle. And of course, I like the latter method the best.

I am simply amazed at the number of times the excess salt has disappeared from many dishes with a small request to My Dear Bhagavan!


Thursday, April 12, 2012


I had this experience after my Antaryaamin had awakened within me. One day, I felt very disconnected with God and did not like the feeling at all. But I realized that I could not do much about it.

As I went for my walk, I asked Bhagavan, “What has happened Bhagavan? Why have you gone so far away from me? I am feeling low and left out without the connection with you.” I felt very sad about this.

Bhagavan smiled and said, “Even the mother cuts away the umbilical cord when the child is born. But God never disconnects with his children. You are my child and I am always there with you. If you feel a distancing at all, it is the work of the mind and even then you have probably moved 1/100th of an inch away from me. I never move away from you. Remember that always!”

This is the love God has for all of us – his children.



Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Throughout my life, from the time I can remember, I have always questioned rituals. It is not that I am against them; I only want to understand the reason for doing something.

One of those was ‘Upvaas’. I have seen my grandmother fasting when I was a kid. I have seen the pressure she was under, how tired she used to get and irritated many times. I began to wonder why she underwent this torture and whether God insisted on it. Whereas I had never seen my mother fast as she insisted that she could never do it and hence will not.

Later, when I broke my ankle, my Periamma (mother’s elder sister) told me that the Guru in my horoscope was not positioned well at that point in time and told me to fast on Thursdays. I wanted to get my ankle healed speedily and so followed the fast. My sister Lakshmi had come to help me at that time as I was on crutches. She also followed the upvaas with me.

Upvaas for me was having only water. I somehow could not relate to upvaas food items. I mean no offence to those who do, but that’s the way I understood things. We both used to fast on water and have one meal after 6 pm – sunset actually.

Those days, I remember how tough I found it. I could not stop fasting as I felt it was required to heal my ankle completely. I followed this for about 20 months of Thursdays and believe me it was pure hell, every single Thursday.

Later, when anyone spoke to me about upvaas, I used to say, “Why take upvaas? Has God decreed it?” Since no one had an answer for that, I went on eating my way through life.

After My Antaryaamin came into action, my life kept evolving on a daily basis. One day, I wanted something to happen very badly. I can’t recall what this was. I was so keen that I told Bhagavan, “I think I will take a fast today.”

Bhagavan grinned and asked me, “Why Sundari? Why do you want to take a fast? Has your God decreed it or what?” My Antaryaamin Bhagavan has a high sense of humour and I just love Him for it.

I took him very seriously and thought about it, because this was exactly the question that I had asked a number of times of a number of people. Today, the Divine had turned the tables on me, obviously to make me think.

I said, “I don’t know Bhagavan. I feel that if I fast and focus on this matter, it will happen immediately.”

Bhagavan replied, “Exactly. That’s why one does an upvaas. And that’s exactly why one should take an upvaas – to focus on something. Understand this, when you want something very strongly, upvaas is one way of achieving it. When you are strongly focused, you will never feel hungry during the upvaas. Even going into a hotel or a kitchen will not tempt you to eat. In fact, you are so focused on what you are trying to achieve that your whole system shuts everything else out. At that time, doing an upvaas is the simplest thing. Just drink water, not even coffee or tea, no fruits, no vegetables – cooked or raw, no fruit juices, no salt-free foods, just nothing. Have only water and focus on the thing that you want and see how both your upvaas and your desire work out.”

I was thoroughly convinced. Who wouldn’t be with the Divine advising? And again, what clarity!

Till date, I take an upvaas when I feel like, only after asking Bhagavan. If it is workable, I am able to go through the day without feeling a single hunger pang or any kind of temptation. What I understood from Bhagavan is that feeling the urge to eat in itself nullifies the fast as the focus shifts.

There are times when I decide to take a fast and after a couple of hours find that I am tempted to eat. I go ahead and eat, breaking the fast immediately. There are other times I feel hungry and then again I break the upvaas.

Bhagavan says that when our focus is completely on what we want, the fast automatically happens. We should never force ourselves. Taking the help of the Divine helps in this; absolutely.

While I hear a number of devotees attend so many courses at the Oneness University – the same courses many times in a number of cases – I have attended very few courses. This is partly by choice, partly by chance and mainly by the Divine Will.

Three weeks before I went for Maha Deeksha in April 2008, Bhagavan put me on fast. He never told me the duration in advance. When I got up in the morning one day, He told me to go on fast that day. The next day, I was off fasting. The third day, He told me to fast again. After a few days, I realized that I was fasting every alternate day before attending the course. I was absolutely prepared and thanks to His guidance, I was in total Mouna during the whole course and had some earth-shattering experiences.

Bhagavan showed me not just the power of fasting, He also showed me the way one should fast and also the need to have a reason for fasting – the main focus actually.


Monday, April 9, 2012


I asked Bhagavan one day long ago: “I know we offer food items, fruits, etc. as Prasad to you, we offer money in your temple hundi, we garland you with flowers, we chant mantras, so on and so forth. But I feel that you, as God, have everything; you actually don’t need anything from us. So, all these things that we offer you are actually for our satisfaction while you already have everything. So, what can I do to make you happy Bhagavan? What can I offer you, really?”

Bhagavan said simply, “I just want you to make your SELF happy. I want nothing else.”

I could not stop my eyes from watering when I heard this. I remember I was sitting in the front seat of the top half of a double-decker bus many years back. I was absolutely amazed at that simple and loving reply.

Bhagavan showed yet again HOW MUCH HE LOVES US ALL! We must so realize here that we are all his creations and He wants our happiness more than we do.


Thursday, April 5, 2012


Pic courtesy:

This is one more experience given by my Antaryaamin. One day, as I was coming home from my evening walk, Bhagavan told me to go back home and go into Shavaasan before the Srimurti.

I did that and within a few minutes, I felt Bhagavan’s presence near my head. He raised his hands in a blessing and I could see circular lights of energy running from my feet, rising up to my body and reaching my head.

This happened many times and Bhagavan explained that he was energizing me. He also told me that energy travelled from the feet to the head. I had not been aware of this but later got to know about this from someone. As usual, Bhagavan followed up his talk within me with proof.

After this process was over, I saw my heart glow – green gold in colour. It looked so beautiful and I was so fascinated. Bhagavan explained that it was my heart chakra that was glowing.

Suddenly, my heart opened and I saw bright gold within. I blinked mentally and saw it again and again - the green gold heart opening like a jewel box and the golden glow within it.

Just as I wondered what it was, I heard Amma saying, “That’s me Sundari. I am the gold that you see encased in your heart.” I was truly amazed and thrilled to hear that. It felt so great having Amma tell me that She lived within my heart.

Many months later, when I visited my friend Anu in Ahmedabad, I shared this experience with her. Anuradha Chandrashekhar is my childhood friend and she is the one who introduced me to Amma Bhagavan. Anu asked me, “Sundari, have you heard of the jyothi (light) that resides within our hearts?” I said, “No, I have not heard of that.”

She replied, “That’s what Amma Bhagavan had been showing you in that vision.” Proof is what the mind seeks in this world and proof is what my Amma Bhagavan keep sending me, every time.

To this day, I keep seeing this vision in my inner eye and I can’t help feeling thrilled about it.