Please don’t attempt this. It is a Divine Blessing! Bhagavan has to give it to us. All we can see is that we are unable to let go of control. That's what I did!
To continue from Golden Ball Darshan……
Whenever I return home from an Oneness Process, I find that it continues for a few weeks to the point where yet another permanent change occurs within me.
After the process at Pooja’s home, the first couple of days were like any other and then the mind began to do its work. I kept oscillating between breakthrough and breakdown. That’s when Amma told me to take Golden Ball Deeksha every day. I take Deeksha from the Srimurti at least thrice in a day.
I took Her advice and began taking Golden Ball Deeksha. To begin with, I visualised the Golden Ball in my hands before I placed them on my head. But after the first attempt, the Golden Ball began to appear in my vision during each Deeksha. Thank you so much Amma Bhagavan!
While my mind niggled that I had still not had Bhagawat Shaakshaatkaar, I slowly felt a unique peace seep within me. I began lighting a lamp and agarbatti every morning and night. Those who know me will definitely know that this is an uncommon occurrence. I am not too much into rituals and don’t follow a fixed pattern. As you can see, I light the lamp at night and that’s because that’s when I chant the Moolamantra for 21 minutes. Again, most of the days, but not every day. As we grow in Oneness, we realise that there is no compulsion to do anything and it’s best to go with the flow.
How to let go of control?
We can’t! And Bhagavan says that all we have to do is SEE that we are unable to let go of control. We plan our days, our weeks, our years and our lives, for that matter. Planning takes away all the energy and when do we live? He says that we don’t. We just exist. So very true!
That’s because we want to control every aspect of our lives. Not just that, we want to control every aspect of our spouse’s and children’s lives. We are actually leading a tortuous existence. Bhagavan is ready, willing and definitely has a million times better ability to run our lives.
But… what if He ignores my wishes? What if I am not able to achieve exactly what I want? What if this…. What if that?
Questions asked by the mind.
It’s actually very simple. God has created us for a purpose. That purpose will have its way, even if we take a thousand janams to achieve it. And believe me, when we are following our soul’s path, we will definitely find peace. But for that we need to let go. But is that possible? Not by our efforts. It takes the Divine Will to handle that. But how to get the Divine to help us in this matter? God has said that He will not interfere in our lives unless we call out to Him.
So, call Him. That’s what I did.
There were many days and nights that I have felt the pressure of wanting to control every aspect of my existence.
What my Antaryaamin made me see was this: As a human being, I have a very small purview of everything. Whereas GOD has a total 360 degree view while he also knows my past, present and future. At the same time I am trying to squeeze my life into a minuscule frame that is formed by my imagination, HE is ready to hand over the universe to me on a platter, without any effort on my part. Would it not be a smarter move to give my life into His keeping?
That’s how I realised the value of Surrender. Please understand that I had understood the lesson at my mind’s level at this point. Thinking ‘Surrender is best’ does not bring it about. I went on doing the Shashtang Namaskaarams every day. Not eleven times each day, may be - but definitely every day.
Is there a choice? It’s Bhagavan at work here. Surrender occurred, finally, after the process at Pooja’s place. So has Gratitude. I used to lack in gratitude. I realised that because my Antaryaamin told me so. But I feel more of that emotion too nowadays.
Yes, I am finally in a state of surrender, living on a day-to-day basis. I am not saying that this is ‘it’. There is still a way to go. But, looking back over the years, I have come a very very long way, all thanks to My Bhagavan.
Every day, before going to bed, I tell Bhagavan that I would like to complete a set of tasks the next day. I also give Him the freedom to decide if He wants to experience those tasks through me. Then I just sit back and relax. The work gets done, completely. Most of the time I am surprised at my energy levels, my determination to complete something, my total lack of distraction, my focus, etc. Then I realised, it is not ME. It is HIM doing the work. I am just sitting back and enjoying the ride. I don’t even have the worry of wondering whether I will complete my targets. It’s not my responsibility any more. I have truly LET GO! That has been possible only because of DIVINE BLESSING!
Is there a Sundari? I don’t know nor do I care. I am just GOING WITH THE FLOW.
So, at the end of the day, I just thank Amma Bhagavan for doing all my work and set out another batch of tasks for the next day. I don’t feel the urge to think beyond that. HE is doing it for me, so why should I bother?
THANK YOU SO MUCH MY AMMA BHAGAVAN FOR BLESSING ME WITH PEACE!